Dad, Today would have been your Birthday

Our Beliefs, our core identity is wrapped up in how we where raised. I've seen the research. Most of our habits &  beliefs are impressed upon us between the ages of 0-6. In those first six years of life it is mostly our parents & siblings that make the greatest impression upon us. We develop from our childhood experiences. From those I have spoken to or correspond with, I've found that for many of us...it was sadly lacking. Not that our parents didn't try to do the right thing. They usually went with their own experiences. You do the best you can, with what you've got.  Neither of my parents had much of a childhood.

     My Dad was raised an only child. His old man took off when he was very young.  My Dad was born on April 16,1928. If he where still alive,  he would be 84 yrs old. Today would have been his birthday. He passed away on Dec 29th, over 2 years ago.  I get teared up, a  lump in the throat just thinking about him. We had a conflicted relationship, until later in life when we grew to respect each other. I'd say the 1st 15 years of my life he was almost tyrannical. Having no siblings or father around it was hard for him growing up. I doubt his mother even knew what the word  'nurture' meant. Also back then people didn't realize what damage mere words could do. Today we realize that the comments made to children, especially the hurtful ones, can stay with them forever. Often these mean comments are said in the heat of the moment. Yet their affects can be devastating to a child. Many times these cruel words mold an individual. They grow up believing  that they are 'less than' or 'not good enough'.
     From what I've been told it looks like my Dad's father left when he was about 7 years old. There are no relatives alive to confirm this. I was told by an older Aunt that when the man left,  he abandoned a wife who was pretty unstable to begin with. Those where really hard times back in the 1930's. The great stock market crash in 1929 lead to losses of 50 billion, an unprecedented amount of money. Plunging the country into the greatest depression in the history of the United States.  When his Dad left them, they where truly  on their own. My grandmother Nana Betty, had no relationship with her own family. I'd heard that she didn't get along with most people. I'm sure it must have been overwhelming to suddenly be alone, responsible for a little boy with no husband. I don't know if what she had would be called a nervous breakdown. People don't like to discuss 'the bad times'. I  know that the feelings of depression, such desperation that comes with poverty, must have been horrible.  I know my Dad had to do without most things. He was ashamed of their meager existence. Occasionally he'd mention stories about having had a spaghetti dinner, made with pigeon in the sauce.  He'd told me stories of shining shoes to make bread money.  Or learning how to dig clams before he was 10 yrs old, just so they could get by. When he was a teenager he left school all together. WWII &  enlisting in the Navy meant a steady paycheck for a guy with no education, real skills or a trade. When his time was up, he came home & married my mother.
     My Mothers own family was even worse. Both of her parents where alcoholics. She had only one brother. Even I can remember how violent her folks, my own grandparents could get. Sometimes I think she married my father to escape that kind of dysfunction. He certainly loved her & demanded that we respect her. I'll save her story for another day.  For now I wish you Peace...Happy Birthday Dad, I love & miss you everyday!